Deciding whether to try counselling can be difficult. You might know that something doesn’t feel quite right but not know whether it is something you need help with. You might have been thinking about counselling for a long time, or perhaps something has happened recently that has made you wonder whether talking to somebody could help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
You don’t have to be in crisis to come to counselling, and you don’t need to know exactly what is wrong before you begin. Sometimes counselling can simply offer some space to catch up with yourself, to notice what isn’t feeling okay and to begin making sense of things with somebody alongside you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Choosing to try counselling doesn’t mean committing yourself to it forever either. You can ask questions, change your mind, decide that a particular counsellor isn’t right for you, take a break or stop. The decision to begin \u2014 and to continue \u2014 remains yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life has ups and downs, and not every difficult period means that we need counselling. Equally, you don’t have to wait until life has become unbearable before you’re allowed to ask for some support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps your thoughts or feelings are getting in the way of living in the way you would like. You may feel different from yourself somehow, be finding relationships more difficult, or notice that things you would normally cope with have become harder. There may have been a loss, a relationship ending, changes at work or home, illness, becoming a parent, children leaving home, or lots of smaller things that have gradually become too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes there isn’t an obvious reason at all. You might simply have a sense that something isn’t okay, find yourself repeating patterns you don’t understand, or want somewhere to think and talk without being told what you should do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Any of those can be enough of a reason to consider counselling. You don’t need a diagnosis, a particular level of distress or a perfectly worked-out explanation for why you are there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is something people can understandably worry about before counselling. There can be an idea that you are supposed to arrive, sit down and immediately tell a counsellor your entire life story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You really don’t have to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can lose your train of thought, not know how you feel, sit quietly for a while or say, \u201cI don’t know where to start.\u201d<\/em> Sometimes people begin with a particular experience; sometimes they simply know that something doesn’t feel right. You may even begin talking about one thing and gradually realise that something else is important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Making sense of things can be part of the counselling itself. It isn’t something you have to complete before you’re allowed through the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are many different types of counselling and psychotherapy. You may have heard terms such as person-centred therapy, CBT, psychodynamic therapy, EMDR or integrative counselling, amongst many others. Different approaches understand emotional difficulties and therapeutic change in different ways, and counsellors can also work quite differently even when they have trained in the same approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don’t need to become an expert in therapeutic models before choosing a counsellor. It is perfectly reasonable to ask someone how they work and what that might actually look like when you’re sitting together in a session.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not every approach suits every person, and something that has been enormously helpful to somebody you know may not feel right for you. Therapy shouldn’t be about trying to squeeze yourself into a particular way of working because you think that is what you’re supposed to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is important to check that someone has appropriate professional training and works within suitable ethical and professional standards. You might want to look at their qualifications, professional registration or accreditation, areas of experience and whether they have appropriate arrangements for confidentiality, supervision and professional practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Those things matter, but they aren’t the only things that matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Have a look at the counsellor themselves. Read their website or profile and notice what you find yourself thinking or feeling. Does the way they communicate make sense to you? Do you get some sense of how it might feel to sit in a room with them? Is there something important to you that you can’t find an answer to?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Practical things matter as well. You might need to think about cost, location, online or face-to-face work, accessibility, availability and whether regular sessions will realistically fit into your life. Your preferences around gender, age, culture, identity, language or particular lived or professional experience may also be important. What matters to one person when choosing a counsellor may be completely different from what matters to somebody else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think wondering and asking questions are an important part of choosing a counsellor. There are lots of things you might reasonably want to know before deciding whether you feel comfortable enough to work with somebody.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That’s why, elsewhere on this website, I’ve created [Whatever you’re wondering… It’s okay to ask]<\/strong>, where I’ve answered some of the questions people may have about working with me. They include practical questions as well as some of the things that can be harder to ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I would encourage you to look at this kind of information when considering other counsellors too<\/strong>. They may have similar pages, explain their approach elsewhere on their website or be happy to answer questions when you contact them. Their answers may be different from mine, and those differences can actually be useful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You aren’t looking for the counsellor who gives all the \u201cright\u201d answers. You’re finding out enough about different people and ways of working to decide what feels right for you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many counsellors offer an initial telephone call or consultation before you decide whether to begin. It can be easy to approach this feeling as though the counsellor is assessing you and deciding whether you’re suitable for therapy, but the conversation works both ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The counsellor will want to understand something about what has brought you to them and whether they have the appropriate skills and experience to support you. At the same time, you can get a sense of them. You can ask questions, notice how you feel talking with them and decide whether their way of working feels comfortable enough for you to continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s okay to speak with more than one counsellor before making a decision. And if you decide that somebody isn’t the right person for you, you don’t need to worry about offending them. Sometimes another person, approach or service will simply be a better fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You should be treated with respect and without judgement. Your counsellor should be clear about how they work, what you can expect from them, their boundaries, fees and arrangements for sessions, and how confidentiality works \u2014 including the circumstances in which confidentiality might need to be broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Counselling isn’t something a therapist simply does to you<\/strong>. Although different therapeutic approaches work in different ways, you should be able to understand what is happening and have opportunities to talk about what feels helpful, what doesn’t and what you need from the work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some sessions may feel relieving or leave you with a clearer understanding of something. Others might bring difficult feelings or leave you thinking about things afterwards. Therapy doesn’t always follow a neat path, and difficult sessions don’t automatically mean that something has gone wrong \u2014 but neither should you feel that you simply have to endure something because \u201ctherapy is supposed to be difficult.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n If something repeatedly feels overwhelming, confusing, unsafe or unhelpful, you are allowed to say so. Talking about what is happening between you and your counsellor can itself be an important part of therapy. And ultimately, if the relationship or approach doesn’t feel right, you can decide to stop or work with somebody else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There can be a surprising amount of pressure involved in asking for help. You might worry about being a good client, saying the right things, making progress quickly enough or somehow disappointing your counsellor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There isn’t a correct way to be in counselling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are allowed to be unsure. You are allowed to change your mind. You can ask what your counsellor means when something doesn’t make sense. You can tell them when they have misunderstood you. You can laugh, cry, be angry, sit quietly or have absolutely no idea what you want to talk about that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A counsellor brings their training, experience and perspective to the relationship, but you bring knowledge that they can never have in quite the same way: what it is like to be you<\/strong>. Making sense of those things together is part of the work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Counselling usually takes place within agreed sessions and isn’t generally an emergency or crisis service. If you’re considering counselling because things feel very difficult at the moment, it is important to know that more immediate support is available too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you need urgent help with your mental health, you can use NHS urgent mental health support<\/a> <\/mark><\/strong>or call 111<\/mark> and select the mental health option<\/strong>. If you or somebody else is in immediate danger, call 999<\/mark> or go to A&E<\/strong>. You can also contact Samaritans<\/a> free, day or night, on 116 123<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may read all of this and decide that you’d like to try counselling. You may decide that now isn’t the right time, or that another kind of support would suit you better. You might find somebody whose way of working feels right for you, whether that’s me or another counsellor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There isn’t a particular conclusion you’re supposed to reach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes considering counselling is simply about recognising that something deserves a little more attention and giving yourself some space to catch up with yourself. If you do decide to begin, you don’t have to arrive with everything figured out. You can begin wherever you are.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\nDifferent Ways of Working<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Choosing a Counsellor<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Questions Are Important<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The First Conversation Is for You Too<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What Can You Expect From Counselling?<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You Don’t Have to Get Counselling \u201cRight\u201d<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
If You Need More Immediate Support<\/mark><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Giving Yourself Some Space<\/strong><\/mark><\/h2>\n\n\n\n