Every January, we’re told that one particular Monday is “Blue Monday”, supposedly the most depressing day of the year.
The idea has been around since 2005 and is often presented as though a calculation involving things such as the weather, Christmas, debt, motivation and abandoned New Year’s resolutions can identify the day on which we’re collectively likely to feel our worst.
It can’t.
Blue Monday originated as part of a travel marketing campaign rather than scientific research, and there isn’t good evidence that one particular Monday in January is universally the most depressing day of the year. But perhaps there is still something interesting about what happens when everybody starts talking about it.
How Are You, Really?
For all its questionable beginnings, Blue Monday can create something we don’t always make enough room for: a conversation about how we’re actually doing.
Someone mentions Blue Monday at work. Another person says January has been difficult. Somebody else admits they’ve been struggling too. A friend sends a message to check in. None of those conversations depends upon Blue Monday being scientifically real for the connection between the people having them to be real.
We can become very good at answering “How are you?” with “Fine, thanks” and carrying on. Sometimes having a reason to ask the question again — and perhaps answer it a little more truthfully — can matter.
Feeling Low Isn’t the Same as Depression
Feeling sad, fed up, tired or thoroughly done with January doesn’t necessarily mean somebody is experiencing depression. Our moods naturally change, and difficult circumstances can understandably affect how we feel.
Depression can be different. Someone may experience persistent low mood, lose interest or pleasure in things that usually matter to them, feel hopeless or worthless, struggle with concentration or notice changes in their sleep, appetite and energy. Different people experience depression differently, and it isn’t always visible from the outside. There also doesn’t have to be an obvious reason for someone to be struggling.
So perhaps a more useful question than “Is today really the most depressing day of the year?” is simply: How have I been lately?
Not just today, but over the past few weeks or months. Have things changed? Am I still enjoying things? Am I managing everyday life? Am I withdrawing from people? Do I feel like myself?
You don’t need to turn those questions into a test or reach a particular score. Sometimes noticing that things have become more difficult is enough to begin thinking about what you might need.
Small Things Still Count
When we’re struggling, advice can sometimes become another burden. Exercise more, eat better, sleep properly, socialise, think positively — suddenly feeling better sounds like another enormous list of things we’re failing to achieve.
It doesn’t have to start there.
Perhaps there’s somebody you could talk to. Maybe getting outside for a little while feels manageable. You might need something to eat, a shower, some rest or some company. Perhaps there’s something you’ve been avoiding that feels possible to approach with some support.
What helps one person may not help another, and what you can manage on one day may be completely different from the next. Small things don’t have to solve everything to still be worthwhile. Most importantly, struggling isn’t something you need to respond to by becoming harder on yourself. If you’re already having a difficult time, criticism simply gives you something else to carry.
Sometimes We Need Other People
One of the things I would keep from the idea of Blue Monday is the reminder to check in with each other.
That doesn’t have to mean having the perfect conversation or knowing how to make somebody feel better. Sometimes it might simply mean noticing that someone seems quieter than usual and asking how they are. And perhaps asking again when “I’m fine” doesn’t quite feel like the whole answer.
If you’re the person struggling, telling somebody can feel difficult too. You don’t need to explain everything at once. “I’m having a difficult time,” “I don’t feel like myself at the moment,” or even “I don’t really know what’s wrong, but I’m not okay” can be enough to begin.
Support might come from somebody you trust, your GP, a counsellor or another appropriate service. You don’t have to wait for a particular Monday in January to decide that what you’re experiencing deserves some attention.
The Black Dog
The World Health Organization’s Black Dog animation is an older resource, but it remains a very accessible description of what living with depression can sometimes feel like.
[BLACK DOG VIDEO]
No single video can represent everybody’s experience of depression, but sometimes recognising something of ourselves in another person’s description can make it easier to find words for what has been happening.
Maybe Blue Monday Isn’t Really the Point
There isn’t one day when everybody collectively reaches their lowest point. Someone can be struggling on a Monday in January, a sunny afternoon in July or at a time when everybody around them seems to be having a wonderful time.
Perhaps the useful part of Blue Monday isn’t the date at all. It’s the conversation it can create. It can remind us to notice how we’re doing, to check in with somebody else and to make a little more room for an honest answer to “How are you?”
And perhaps we don’t need a date in the calendar to do that.
If You Need More Immediate Support
If things feel particularly difficult and you need more immediate support, you can use NHS urgent mental health support or call 111 and select the mental health option. If you or somebody else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
You can also contact Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night. You don’t have to be suicidal to contact Samaritans.
Cover image courtesy of: Teddy Kelley